Morning Coffee

As I took my first sip of coffee this morning, I noticed it was a little weaker than expected, espcially since I buy fairly bold coffee and set the coffee maker to strong. It reminded me of a shirt that I saw online not too long ago. It said "I like my coffee strong and my women weak".

My first thought was "oh, I BET you do!" and I thought who ever created that shirt was a total ass. But then, I thought, at least it was authentic. And wouldn't it be nice if all men who thought that way wore such an obvious sign that they won't be a fan of your strength? It would be far easier than the guessing game that ensues when I'm working with men. Do they want me to "man up" and match their energy? Or will they be intimidated? Threatened? Irritated? Amused? I've run across all of those reactions many times over and honestly I feel like I don't always get it right.

In general I am a strong woman, but I've been told over the years to "tone it down" and "ease up a little", which I did for many years trying to fit the mold of the good corporate employee. But as I've gotten older I am emboldened to just be myself, and damn the consequences. I am too busy to figure out and cater to someone's preferences. I saw a quote, that I love, that was something to the effect of "I will not water myself down to make myself easily digestible, you can choke" and I try to live by that, but then I come across someone who has an adverse reaction to my boldness and I don't want to be an ass so I try and soften my approach a bit. The opposite has been true too, where I'm told I'm too nice or that I'm deferring to others.

So how is a woman to act? Is it wrong to adjust the approach to the situation? That's part of emotional intelligence and I think it makes a lot of sense. The criticism seems unnecessary and I don't often see the same coaching offered up to the men folk.

What are your experiences? Do you have this figured out? Or do you struggle to get the approach right depending on the audience?